Kerstin’s Story
I am in recovery.
Is that a good place to start telling you about myself?
Well, it’s where I am, so why not share the truth, right? For much of my adult life, I have actively been in the recovery process of finding myself after believing the lies of adulthood that kept me in line.
The lies that made me believe I wasn’t valuable.
The ones that had me contorting myself by taking on personality traits that made the authentic me unrecognizable in order to be accepted and loved by the outside world.
You too?
I’ve done one hell of a job following the rules and being a people pleaser. If medals were awarded for these two categories, I would be Olympic-level, no doubt. I used to become so sad thinking of the years of pain I caused myself and ultimately anyone I was around back then. To be honest with myself and with you, I don't need to be that anymore. I’ve been able to find… wait for it… perspective.
I’ve reached a level of understanding that everything I’ve been through in my life was perfect regardless of how painful it felt at the time.
I was a pro at:
Excessive worrying about anything that wasn’t happening in the present moment.
Copious amounts of time I spent pining over any of the guys I dubbed “The One” for, like, years.
Justifying why anyone in positions of power knew more than I did and I shouldn’t speak up or challenge them.
Perpetuating a judgmental view of myself and the world around me.
Self-deprecatingly using my humor to tear myself down in a funny way before anyone else could do it first.
Believing the thoughts that those around me would be better off if I weren’t here anymore.
You see, my life is exceptional. Every ounce of pain I’ve ever encountered has made me strong, made me resilient, made me who I am now. Not everyone grows up in a funeral home and realizes that perhaps that environment created some life-long trauma to sort through. Not everyone has PTSD and a traumatic brain injury because they were hit in not only one, but three times in separate car accidents AND was a passenger in a highway roll-over. Not everyone has had five miscarriages, but ended up with two of the most remarkable children as a result of continuing to try. And not everyone has made the journey out of a hole of depression so deep that they consciously stood on the edge where individuals make the decision to end their own lives and felt something deeper keeping them from jumping.
This life is my education. My Ph.D. is in rebirthing myself during times when everything seemed insurmountable. I’ve accumulated healing from Doctors, Nutritionists, Massage Therapists, Chiropractors, Occupational Therapists, Meditation Teachers, Acupuncturists, Mental Health Professionals, Clergy, Improvisation, the stage, and my students. Combining life experience with the principles of Improvisation and meditation, I’ve realized the necessity of being in service to others with the knowledge I have gained. Learning to accept, allow and safely express my emotions in real-time without hurting myself or others became a passion I share with the world.
Confronting the reality that my brain and nervous system have been overly taxed and need care is a reality. Being hit, literally, by the universe into being more present in my life --- not hiding in the people pleaser role, not making excuses that I didn’t have time to keep up with therapies, not taking my health and happiness into my own hands -- was a wake-up call that took me a few times to get. Understanding that the only person who could actively help me was me, I began adding new habits into my daily life. Habits of gratitude, moments, and eventually hours spent practicing patience and presence through meditation and creative activities. I used games as meditations and became curious about rewiring limiting thoughts and beliefs about myself and the outside world. This became a practice that I made into yet another series of games, and here I am.
Am I perfect at it? No. Do I fail or fall off the rails? All the time. But I’ve got enough years of rebuilding my own neurology behind me, that now I can pick back up starting with giving myself compassion over a misstep or a stumble. It is all perfectly part of the process and I am reminded over and over again to trust the process.
With the knowledge of Improvisation and Neuroscience via the practice of Neurosculpting®, I have realized we all could use a little help back to who we were before we started believing the lies of adulthood.
You ARE your own superhero. I can help you find yourself again, as long as you are willing to be in the practice of unfolding.
You’ve Got This,
Kerstin
